Grief Therapy in NYC: An Existential Approach to Loss, Meaning, and Living

Understanding Grief

Grief is often a difficult experience to describe because it is such a unique process for each individual. Generally speaking, grief can best be understood as a complex emotional response to loss, typically, after the loss of someone significant in one's life. While grief is often associated with the passing of a loved one, it can also occur after the ending of a relationship, the loss of a job, a decline in health, or during periods of transition and change.

If you've recently experienced a loss or major life change, you may notice a decline in your mental health, physiological well-being, cognition, and in completing daily life tasks.

Emotional Responses to Grief

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It's important to note that grief encompasses a myriad of emotional responses. You may have heard of the five stages of grief, developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a pioneer in the study of thanatology, death, dying, and bereavement. She described the following as major responses to loss:

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross; five stages of grief

1. Denial: Denial is often the initial disbelief one experiences after loss. It is the difficulty someone experiences in their ability to accept the reality of the loss. A person may reject the diagnosis of a terminal illness or cancer diagnosis, for example, or news of a passing loved one, seeking to maintain normalcy.

   
   

2. Anger: As the reality of the situation sets in, individuals may experience anger. This anger can be directed toward oneself, family members, friends, or even higher powers, as a way of expressing frustration towards perceived injustice.

   
   

3. Bargaining: When bargaining, an individual may attempt to make deals to somehow reverse the loss. This can involve making promises and is often an attempt at gaining control over the situation.

   
   

4. Depression: As the magnitude of the loss becomes more apparent, individuals may experience symptoms of depression, such as sadness and loss of enjoyment. A person's daily functioning may be drastically impacted, where self care may dwindle.

   
   

5. Acceptance: Acceptance involves coming to terms with the reality of the loss and may include understanding and hope for one's future. Individuals may begin adjusting to their new reality and their lives after loss.

While Kubler-Ross described each experience as a stage, it's important to highlight that the above-described emotions are not linear nor do they represent all feelings comprised in grief.

Additional emotional symptoms of grief may include:

1. Anxiety: After loss, anxiety may increase due to confrontation with an existential limitation, such as death, and the realization of the inevitability of our mortality. We may experience panic, worry, and angst at the thought of death, when it will happen to us, and in what way. We may experience anxiousness surrounding life regrets and may ponder how we should be spending our time. We may become more fixated on the future, health anxiety, and what chronic illness may ail us.

   
   

2. Loneliness: Our world may feel that much smaller after loss, as we may feel isolated from those around us who may not understand grief or who may feel uncomfortable with grief conversations. For example, if you're struggling with an autoimmune disease, you may feel isolated in your experience, as others may not understand what that experience is like and the losses associated with illness. If you are grieving the loss of a person, this may also increase loneliness, regardless of the relationship you had with the deceased. Distancing and reclusiveness are often symptoms and signs of depression, which is also common during periods of bereavement and prolonged grief.

   
   

3. Relief: You may feel relieved that you are no longer in that toxic relationship with your ex knowing that the constant fights are over. As shocking as it may sound, you may also feel relieved your loved one has passed. The many hours spent at the hospital, the late-night phone calls, the expensive medical bills, and the constant worry about when it is going to happen are emotionally demanding and taxing. It's common to take a sigh after the line goes flat.

   
   

4. Yearning: Losing someone or something comes with incredible pain. It causes us to take a pause in life and reflect on memories and what we once had, whether that's memories of a lost loved one, or memories of the times we had our health and all the physical abilities we once were able to accomplished. We may find moving forward impossible, as we long for the presence of what or who we lost.

   
   

5. Numbness: This experience may occur simultaneously when in a state of shock, and often immediately after a loss. We may be in such a state of disbelief, that to preserve our mental health we respond apathetically. You may find yourself saying that you don't feel anything. This is a common response to trauma.

   
   

6. Confusion: Sometimes we don't know how to feel after a loss. This is especially true when the loss comes as a surpirse, or for those of us who may have had a complicated relationship with the deceased, as an example. Disorientation is common, as we may experience a sense of ungroundedness during periods of change.

   
   

7. Hopelessness: Despair and hopelessness are additional symptoms of depression and can occur during the grief process.

​Physiological Responses to Grief

Since the mind and body are so interconnected, it is typical to experience physiological issues relating to grief.

Physiological Responses to Grief

1. Nervous System Hyperactivity: Our sympathetic nervous system, responsible for our "fight or flight" responses can get activated when experiencing distress, anxiety, and overwhelm. When learning of loss, we may notice cardiovascular changes, such as heart palpitations and high blood pressure, in addition to shallow breathing.

   
   

2. Disruptions in Sleep & Appetite: When grieving, we may be at a loss when it comes to the utilization of effective coping strategies. Overwhelmed with emotional pain, ruminating thoughts, distressing memories, and loneliness, we may be burdened with deregulated sleep cycles, nightmares, restlessness, and insomnia. With poor sleep hygiene, additional bodily clocks may also be off sync: we may notice a decrease in appetite or craving for carbohydrates and sweets. In our attempts to find solace and support we may purposely engage in restrictive and maladaptive eating behaviors. Such behaviors are often confused with healthy coping strategies and are often motivated by desires for control.

   
   

3. Body Pains & Tension: It should be no surprise that with poor sleep, poor nutrition, hyperarousal, and distress, we may become plagued with body aches and tensions: headaches, gastrointestinal upset, jaw and nerve tension, and muscle tightness. The body truly does keep the score

   
   

4. Compromised Immune System: A person going through the grieving process may be more susceptible to illnesses and infections, as their immune systems are compromised due to insufficient self care and hygiene, practical coping strategies, and overwhelming pain.

   
   

5. Fatigue & Decreased Energy: Grieving consumes considerable energy, and for those who are already struggling with daily functioning, depression, and a myriad of emotions since the loss, energy levels are going to be at an all-time low. One who is grieving may struggle to complete even menial tasks daily.

Cognitive Responses to Grief

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Cognition is another word for how individuals think and process information. Cognitive responses to grief can impact thought patterns, beliefs, perceptions, and views.

Cognitive Responses to Grief

1. Poor Concentration & Attention: When grieving, you might find it difficult to focus on a task, retain what someone is saying, or engage in an activity that requires sustained attention. The ability to process grief is a large mental load, and when we go through a painful experience we have less cognitive capacity to maintain attention.

2. Memory Impairment: Ever heard of "Grief Brain?" While the moment your loved one took their last breath might be hardwired into your brain, details of the past, recall, and short-term memory may be affected after loss. Memory distortions are another trauma response, which is common after grief and loss. I promise you are not losing your mind, you are just grieving.

3. Intrusive Thoughts & Rumination: Replaying an event, fixating on a memory, and having disturbing nightmares and night terrors, are all common cognitive responses to loss.

4. Temporal Disruptions: Because grief can be so life-changing and all-encompassing, we may lose track of time, especially when in a state of depression and when not practicing self-compassion and mental wellness.

5. Existential Reflections: After a major life change, such as loss, we may engage in deep existential reflection. We may be curious about the meaning of life and may question our previously held beliefs and worldviews. We may further question who we are as individuals, our self-concept, what we believe to be important, and how we'd like to live more meaningfully.

While loss is a natural part of life, managing the myriad of emotions and responses to grief is difficult. Furthermore, it is important to highlight that grief can be the result of many different losses, not just that related to death, and that there is no wrong or right way to grieve.

Our approach to grief counseling in New York

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At Authentically Living Psychological Services, we work with New York State residents experiencing grief and loss and for those searching for greater self-understanding and a new sense of purpose. We take a unique and individualized approach to grief therapy blending existential and humanistic therapies, mindfulness, compassion, and humor.

Existential therapy focuses on exploring the fundamental aspects of human existence, such as freedom, responsibility, meaning, and the inevitability of death. With grief, existential therapy can guide in exploring existential questions related to life, illness, and meaning.

Existential Approach to Grief Therapy

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1. Sitting with Existential Despair: Grief often brings experiences of existential despair, such as feelings of hopelessness and meaninglessness. An existential approach to grief therapy can help individuals navigate these emotions, by confronting them head-on and sitting in the discomfort. Oftentimes, we avoid difficult emotions, especially when they are full of pain. Our approach to grief therapy encourages the embodiment of such emotions, highlighting the importance of describing the experience in real-time, observing without judgment, and identifying the meaning of such experiences.

   
   

2. Exploring Existential Angst: After a major life change, such as a loss (loss of financial security, loss of physical abilities, or loss of a loved one), existential angst is often ignited: the anxiety and uncertainty about the nature of life, our futures, and our pending demise. Our therapists can assist and support individuals in confronting such anxiety, develop skills to soothe the anxiousness and learn to live with the reality of our pending expiration and the difficult realities that come with loss.

   
   

3. Addressing Isolation & Loneliness: Grief has a great potential for the experience of isolation and loneliness. Our therapists provide a supportive space for individuals to express the loneliness they experience in grief. Existential grief therapy often involves processing the purposeful social distancing that occurs due to feeling misunderstood and wanting to avoid social pressures to mask pain and "move on" with grief. Since our practice values relational work, therapy is often a space to practice creating genuine connections, learning to be vulnerable, and identifying what you need in relationships with others while grieving and living with loss.

   
   

4. Accepting Loss through Freedom & Meaning: We can't wake up one day and magically choose not to grieve anymore. However, we can choose to live amidst the grief. Existential therapy emphasizes concepts such as freedom and responsibility, where a person can make choices for how they navigate through grief and towards a greater acceptance of loss. Grief counseling, utilizing an existential lens, involves exploring beliefs and attitudes about death, illness, one's mortality, loss, and how to create meaning and a life worth living even with the painful reality of our loss.

   
   

5. Exploring Identity & Living Authentically: Grief often prompts individuals to reevaluate their identity and self-concept, curating self-doubt, and questioning beliefs and what it means to be you. Our existential approach to grief therapy involves a deep exploration of personal values, emotions, thoughts, and responses to grief without judgment, allowing individuals to embrace their genuine selves. Grief counseling further provides a space for individuals to explore questions related to who they are in the absence of the person or thing that was lost and align their living with what is genuine to them.

   
   

6. Integrating Loss into Life: Our existential approach to grief therapy involves assisting individuals in integrating loss into their ongoing life journey. Together, sessions can consist of creating ways to honor the memory of what or who was lost while continuing to foster self-development, and towards self-fulfillment.

Our existential approach to grief therapy is relational, collaborative, and individualized, and includes conversations of depth, processing the pains and confusions associated with grief while fostering greater self-understanding, intentional living, and a life of fulfillment and meaningful experiences.

Grief counseling services we offer

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At Authentically Living Psychological Services our therapists offer individual therapy, family therapy, and group therapy for individuals living their days through grief and loss. We provide virtual services for New York residents. Before beginning grief therapy services, we offer a 15-minute free consultation to learn more about you and your loss, answer treatment questions, and assess goodness of fit. Based on our initial conversation we will determine how often to meet with your grief counselor. Typically, weekly meetings are recommended at the beginning and can titrate as time continues.

Individual Therapy for Grief

Individual grief therapy consists of meeting with a grief therapist one-on-one. Individual grief therapy will consist of processing issues relating to your loss, identifying practical coping strategies, learning stress reduction and mindfulness, exploring your sense of self, identifying ways to create meaning, and taking steps toward living a fulfilled and connected life while grieving.

Family Therapy for Grief

Family grief therapy consists of meeting with a grief counselor with participating family members. Families are typically disrupted after loss and thus grief therapy provides a space for them to come together to process their collective loss. Grief therapy allows members to not only learn how to communicate effectively and express their needs but also learn how each member may experience grief differently. For families with children and teens, grief therapy can be especially helpful in supporting them in expressing their emotions, identifying needs, and learning grief psychoeducation. Therapy can further provide support through conflict resolution, identifying ways to memorialize loss, and building resiliency, trust, and dependability within the system.

Support Groups for Grief

Bereavement groups consist of about 3-7 group members who have experienced loss and are looking for collective support amongst others who can share in their loss. Currently, our support groups are for those who have lost someone to death. Groups are process-oriented, include creative art interventions, and conclude with mindfulness practices at the end of each group. Our grief group runs for 3 months. Group members have the option to continue meeting at the conclusion of the 3 month for additional support.

If you are interested in learning more about our grief counseling services click here. A member of our staff will return your inquiry within 24-48 hours.